| When children are raised naturally, in keeping with their | | | | take our lead from the children, not impose ourselves |
| own true hearts, there is nothing that we need to | | | | upon them.When children feel so deeply respected, all |
| teach them.In fact, the children then become our | | | | that is best and natural emerges easily. Their full |
| teachers, reminding us of what is important in life, | | | | intelligence and abilities become available to them. This |
| showing us how to express love and feel the simple | | | | kind of child will not become aggressive, distracted and |
| adventure of being alive.To grow a Zen child, means | | | | filled with all kinds of fears. When a being's basic |
| to raise a healthy, expressive, creative child--a child | | | | nature is not interfered with, it becomes empowered |
| easily in touch with who they truly are. This child is | | | | to function at its best.2) Don't Compare Your Child |
| naturally curious about life, experiencing each day as | | | | With OthersConformity and competition have become |
| an adventure, going to sleep happy at night. This is a | | | | a craze (and plague) in our nation and in the process |
| child to whom sharing comes naturally, who can laugh | | | | of child rearing. Nothing could be worse for both the |
| when things are funny and cry when they're sad, who | | | | parents and children. Comparing your child's progress, |
| is not terrified of the consequences of their behavior | | | | scores or abilities with those of other children tell you |
| or focused unnecessarily upon reactions of adults. This | | | | absolutely nothing about who he/she is, or how they |
| child then becomes strong and stable, able to weather | | | | will do in their lives. There are many ways and |
| all kinds of conflicting demands and pressures.Actually, | | | | timetables for developing, and different gifts and |
| all of Zen practice comes simply to teach us how to | | | | abilities that different children have.Remember that |
| become a child once again. Not how to become | | | | being different doesn't mean being better or worse. |
| childish, but child-like, how to tap the natural | | | | Many kinds of trees and flowers are needed in a |
| knowingness, resources and spontaneity we were all | | | | garden. An apple tree will produce the best possible |
| born with, to find delight in our days and share it with | | | | apples, don't force it to give you pears. Not only will |
| others.In order to grow a Zen child certain basic steps | | | | that distort it's growth, but it will make the apple tree |
| need to be honored and taken. These steps are not | | | | very sad. A garden with only one kind of flower would |
| difficult though they may be different from the ways in | | | | become uninteresting. Just as we need roses, tulips, |
| which we have usually been trained to think about | | | | lilies, etc. for the garden to be complete, we need all |
| child-rearing.Some Steps To Growing A Zen Child1) | | | | kinds of different children to make a whole world.3) |
| Honor The Child's Natural Wisdom And GiftsMost of | | | | Allow Your Child To Express Who She IsThere are |
| us feel that we have to fill our children with information, | | | | many, many constrictions placed upon what children |
| knowledge, skills, direction. From the moment they are | | | | are allowed to express. There is a demand for |
| born we must "mold" them in the right direction, so that | | | | politeness, control and censure coupled with the intrinsic |
| they will grow to fulfill our values and images of a | | | | notion that certain thoughts and feelings are bad and |
| successful adult. We do not stop a moment and | | | | cannot or should not be expressed. The child develops |
| question how these images have impacted upon us, | | | | the sense that certain parts of them are bad and |
| how fulfilled and whole our lives are. We teach our | | | | unacceptable. This causes these parts to go |
| children much more by who we are than by what we | | | | underground, and become the source of symptoms of |
| preach.All children have their own innate wisdom, | | | | all kinds.Help the child find a way to communicate and |
| rhythms, sense of exploration, and ability to express | | | | express whatever he/she is going through. It can be |
| what is most dear to them. Our job as caretakers is to | | | | done through words, song, art, plays, dancing together, |
| create a loving, safe environment in which both we | | | | planting flowers. Make sure you find a way to let them |
| and they can discover who they are. Raising children, | | | | know you truly hear what it is they need to say. |
| (like Zen practice) is a process of discovery. We must | | | | |